Holiday Wishes (or in my case, MERRY CHRISTAMS!)

First of all, yes, I am a bad, bad person, er, blogger. Hopefully Santa doesn't blog, in which case I did not make the naughty list... I'm beginning to think God does blog, though, with all the information I feel like he has been pouring into my head this past week and a half...

On the dream front, there is no big development, just a steady flow of ideas and thoughts and "moments" that I know are from Him in terms of the writing of the play. I am very humbled that He is involved and a bit tired with all the inspiration. It is comforting and exciting to know that God has a plan for this production.

On the holiday front, the traveling time that began in November has almost ended. One more long drive on the 27th and then my life (with Nana and my dogs!) is mine again.

This past month without Nana, and half of it with out the dogs was awful! I am not meant to live alone. No question. Poor Roo apparently bit down on a hard bar of some sort and managed to shatter her two upper pressure molars and so she had to go to the kennel early for the holidays (and of course Piper had to go two... he's a good brother) and she is now recovering quietly there for the holidays after her surgery. I want to know what she was chewing on. Heavens above, she is not a chewer and she would have had to bitten down hard on something to do that. Further she didn't let on to any pain at all... This is a mystery I desperately want solved and yet I worry I cannot.

I got to visit for two days with my dear friend Jasmine and her children. What a delightful group. I brought with me my family tradition of Shrinky Dink ornament making... Oh my! Now I am Aunt Shrinky Dink (which at my height is kinda funny). I was also exhausted and I wasn't even nursing, changing, driving or disciplining these children. Jasmine has my complete and total admiration, esteem, (heck!) worship! She rocks! Her husband isn't half bad either...

Meanwhile the boy scouts are revolting... I mean, they are behaving in a revolt like manner. Most of the staff has the problem of being a legal adult but not really a mental one... I won't go into more details than that for fear if someone reads this I get blamed for a ridiculous situation I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH!!!! But let me say, for the record... STUPID!!!!! Oh, and quit calling me! You never want my opinion when I give it, and you don't take it when you ask for it, so leave me in peace! Obviously a sore spot...

Then there is X-mas here in the Maryland! Oh. I get to watch a four month old and 8 year old twins on X-mas morning. My cup runneth over. Seriously. If you have never watched this holiday through the eyes of little ones, you are so missing out. I don't have my own, so I borrow (with family support and permission, mind you... also I just come and watch, I have to do very little work for the whole thing).

So here is my Christmas wish for all of you, the ones I know personally, the ones I only know inter-net-tedly and the ones who know me and yet we have never spoken. My God bless you and keep you, may God make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you and may God grant you his peace. May you find in this holiday season a hope and joy that lasts the whole year. May you be close to loved ones, who know they are, and who show you that you are too. May you be safe, warm, fed and clothed. And lastly, may you see the smile of a child and be bathed in that glow... it is the hope of our future.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year!

Why people like me shouldn't dream...

So I am going to add insult to injury by writing a long rambling post after all this time of sporadic posting. Further I shouldn’t even be writing this because I have other projects I am supposed to be working on, and this is not one of them, but I am writing it anyway.

I had a dream last night.

This was weird for several reasons.

1) I barely slept (and there is no good reason for that by the way, I went to bed at 9 and stared at the clock until 5:38). Somewhere I blinked and had this dream…
2) In my dreams everything is usually jumbled, names, faces and history don’t match and over half the people don’t exist or are characters from TV or some combination there of…
3) Everything was vivid, specific and I remember all of it…

Now I have a problem. The dream is following me. I keep seeing it, thinking about it, and I am really having trouble focusing on anything else…

Now I am sure you are all going “Alright already, what was it about… G rated version please!”

Well, first, there is no issue of rating.

The dream was about me going to drop something off at a church, where I worked with the youth and I found out they were leaving on a retreat and the speaker was this guy I only knew briefly a decade ago (he was a speaker at a retreat I organized for youth) and the rest of the dream was me running around trying to get to go… He was in the dream, right name, right face, right history. All very weird… The circumstances under which I knew him were very weird…

So when I got to school today I looked him up. And found him. And emailed him…

Subject: Kind of Out in left field, but... Hello
Hi,

This is going to be totally out of left field, I know, but...

Many years ago (less than a decade, but close enough to round in that direction) I was an Undergraduate/Graduate student at **, and for a short time, a youth minister in ************* . That summer ('98) you spoke at my BSU, I went to your college mission conference (that was running concurrent to a biker week!) and you were the guest speaker at a youth retreat I did. As I recall my amazing sense of direction and the ******* fog caused you to miss your flight, spend a whole day in an airport (waiting for a rescheduled flight) and nearly miss your last set of booster shots before your trip to Russia where you were an undercover missionary...

That was a long time ago. But it was a critical summer (and defining year) for me in the grand scheme of things... Not a lot of my finest moments, but...

Anyway, it isn't something I think about frequently anymore, like most I'm pretty busy with work (English Teacher), family, church/youth drama productions (writing, directing, producing), school drama productions, PhD applications, Grading Papers, volunteer work and the general bustle of holidays... Yet last night I had the strangest dream... You had come to speak to my youth group here in my area and you were yourself... right name, right face, right history (normally my dreams are much more jumbled and I rarely recognize anyone). Anyway, it was such an odd and vivid thing... I thought I'd look you up and see the trouble you were into now, just to say hi and wish you a Merry Christmas...

Congratulations on your PhD. My father finished his while I was in grad school and I hope to start mine Fall 2007 (last step to getting in next month) so I know what an accomplishment that is. You said all those years ago that this was your goal... Being a professor suits the man I met back then...

So, as I said, kind of out of nowhere, and most definitely odd, but thought I'd say "Hi!"

~Sandy

The weirder part is he remembered me, wrote back promptly and was very polite. He probably thinks I am nuts… I also sent a letter to my youth pastor at my church…

Hey, listen, I know (from some sources that will remain nameless) that you apparently have a bit of a heart for singles? Alliance definitely has a heart for missions and then of course we have the whole youth group thing...

What would you say to putting together a mission conference/rally for youth, college students, singles or some combination there of next year? Or maybe we could kill several birds with one (well several actually) stones...

This is going to sound a bit weird, but I had a dream last night... this is impressive because 1) I got little sleep for no good reason and 2) I don't usually have such memorable and vivid dreams where everyone has the right name, face and history...

It was about a conference, with young people and a particular speaker I know (and e-mailed this morning and who remembers me... but more on that later) and it was all really strange and I can't seem to let it go as I move about my day this morning. I've been trying to write as my kids work and I just keep seeing the dream play over and over in my head... isn't that weird?
The speaker's name is ***** *****.... (Look him up online... there are even some of his sermons) I knew him a decade ago when he was still in graduate school at ***** *****... Now he is a professor, Christian Philosopher (not the scary kind) and evangelist... The real deal... He was a speaker at a retreat I did as a youth minister all those years ago... Why he came to mind in all of this I have no idea...

Anyway, I even know who we can get to do the music (to supplement, amp up what we can do ourselves) and here is the important part, with this weight on my chest, I know where some funding could come from...

Obviously we are all tremendously busy and this would be a not small project, and now (X-mas 2006) is not the best time, but I needed to tell you about this... I think God is laying it on my heart... It happens sometimes... It makes me hyper and so far, it's always been good stuff when I pay attention and get proactive... Maybe it's this whole examining what happens when we put off God's call? Who knows?

So there.

I told you.

~Sandy

I think I might be losing my mind. Serves me right for trying to sleep when I have a play to write and so much work to do…

Maybe I don’t even really make sense at all?

Hopefully, I’m at least amusing for y’all’s sake.

What I’ve learned so far…

When I was a kid there was an informal list of things I wanted to do with my life. It was never something I wrote down, like some people, it was just something I kind of knew… Now, having crossed officially over into my 30’s (31 today… this past year I was only on the cusp, where as now I have fallen in) I find myself evaluating that list, making a new one and also, well, laughing about what I’ve learned so far.

When I was in high school, planning my life (as we do when we are in high school) I figured I’d have the lead in a play, go to the prom, get an undergraduate degree, publish a novel, be a nurse in the navy, have visited many places I had never been before, go on a missions trip, meet “the one,” get married, have kids, pursue an advanced degree, have a dog, own a house, and be deliriously happy.

The reality is I never had the lead role in a play in high school, though I had a couple leads in bigger skits in college, and I have written and directed quite a few plays in the past ten years. I did not go to the prom… while I occasionally think about it I’m not sure it really matters. I have still not published a novel. But I am still working on it. Not only did I get the undergraduate, but I got the masters too and am now looking at the PhD. I’ve been on a missions trip, though I had hoped to do more. Recently I have begun to travel, The UK, Central America, New York, but I still want to get to Greece, Japan and back for more time in England. I’ve had two dogs. One worked out, and one didn’t, and I also help raise Nana’s dog. I don’t own a house, but I’ve owned every one of my vehicles outright, which is nice. The house thing isn’t right for me yet. Obviously I am not a nurse in the Navy. But I think this is a better fit in the end anyway and I did become a medic…

Meeting “the one” and getting married and having kids seems like an odd thing for me now. I mean, it still sounds nice and all, and being alone is not the most fun thing, but it is not as important as I thought it might be. It might still happen, or it might not. I’m okay with that.

Rescuing Nana is not something that was on my list. Yet I think of it as one of the most important events of my adult life. Working at a scout camp wasn’t on the list either and it has become one of the most defining issues of my life.

Deliriously happy is fiction. Doesn’t exist, but joy and contentment do. I think I have those… Most of the time… when I let myself.

Here is my new list.

1. Finish PhD
2. Publish Novel
3. Write Screenplay and submit it to someone… Insist on being involved in production if it is purchased.
4. Make sure Nana is always taken care of
5. Visit Greece, Japan and get back to London (a lot!)
6. Go on a Cruise to Alaska with Linda
7. Surprise my Dad
8. Present at NCTE and/or ALAN
9. Retire wisely, financially stable and with the ability to live as I see fit
10. Teach an entire year where I make the rules!

I’ll see where I am at 41!

Random thoughts, rants and observations

It is always disturbing to get phone calls from friends late at night. I mean, I want to talk to them, they are friends, but, it's late and I want to sleep occasionally too... Worse is getting roused once in bed, but still same dilemma... Worst is when they are calling to chew you out for not posting and they don't know what's going on in your life... I'll end that discussion there...

One friend I was speaking to misunderstood the nick-name and kept referring to my Nana as The Nana. Except, I rather like that. I may begin calling her that... kind of like The Godfather...

Nana's dog Piper is dumb... really dumb. I mean I used to tell people Roo was smarter, but they always said I was biased because she was mine and I figured they were right, but now I have proof. Dog is dumb as a sheep! I tried to help him up the stairs onto my bed and he fell backwards with his feet in the air like a tipped cow! Further ( and this has nothing to do with intelligence, but!) he bit me! Let me say again, HE BIT ME!!!! and drew blood. Now it was an accident, he was getting his treat, but my thumb was bleeding! Nana better come back and claim this dog soon...

Further, it is also disturbing to note that the house gets just as dirty without Nana here as it does with her. That means that as the person who spends the least time home, I make the most mess. I used to tell myself that I paid people to clean up my house because I had the extra burden of Nana. Now I know that I pay people to clean my house because I am a slob... or at least creatively messy.

A high up member of the Camp Staff (who is younger than I am and less educated) relegated me to furniture status last week, saying, "Sandy is simply a part of camp, like furniture." How flattering. I was tempted to ask if I am a lamp or a bed, but neither one has good connotations, so I kept my mouth shut.

(Warning, Rant Approaching) Reading other people's blogs, lately I am struck by why it is a good thing that I don't tell people my last name, don't get overly specific in terms of family and try to maintain some amount of anonomnimity. Some other bloggers don't do this and then even pick on family members when readers are very aware of who those people are and what they look like and even where they live. What kind of narcissistic whack job does that to a family member? I talk about my mom, sure, but no one could find her, much less figure out who she is unless they already know me... (And if they haven't killed her by now she's safe...) Yet I am astounded by the amount of people who are so blatant in their malice, judegmentalism and specific comments. Then they hide behind "honesty", "being wronged" and their side of the story. No matter how many people read their blog and "side" with them on an issue, they are wrong and frankly if I can be so bold, they are sinning... God does not have a blog cataloging everyone else's wrongs so other people can read it, and trust me it hurts him when we are wrong... Add to that the fact that as humans we can't be sure we are right like God can and I think we should keep our specific damning comments to ourselves if we can't make them general and "safe." I'm actually watching people get hurt, families ripped apart and it's sad... End of Rant...

Did I mention how much I love books! Coming back from this teachers conference and having so many books and so many more I want to read now, it's like all night theater in my head lately. It's a wonder I get any sleep for my friends to interrupt late at night...