Excuse Me?

Oh, gotta tell you this one too.

So I was in the Walmart on Sunday morning looking at hair clippers. This really old woman walks up to me and asks, "Do you know of any good shavers?"

I show her the quarto disposable razors for women I was purchasing. She says she was looking for electric because she just could not bend over to shave her legs anymore. I recommended she sit on the toilet (or johnny as she called it) used a thick shaving gel and shave before she got in the shower. She really liked this idea and then asked if I could recommend a shave gel. I did...

Do I look like a information booth about geriatric extremity depilatory?

Oh me!

Last weeks tally

So last week I had...

A kid who threw a knife at a tree. It bounced back and cut him. Go figure.

A kid who got a hole in his head because he got hit by a rock...

They each got two staples a piece.

One poor kid cut his hand on the brand new knife he bought after finishing his toting chip that morning. When he came in his toting chip instructor was up in Medlodge with me... He burst into tears. It wasn't a bad cut, but he learned his lesson. He didn't need a knife in the class he cut himself in, by the way.

Oh! Did I mention on Saturday morning that I woke up to find a camper (18) standing in the middle of my room staring at me? Yeah. He wanted Tylenol. He's lucky he didn't get murdered. There was enough fodder in that moment of waking to fuel nightmares for a week!

The individual I have resigned myself to disliking continues to ask my advice, much to God's amusement I am sure. If I have a well that is continuous, and I have all I want can I turn away someone who is thirsty. Apparently not. But I don't have to like him!

For five years I have done this gig on my own. Two weeks with a real partner and I am terrified about being on my own again for the week. Bet I make it, OK, though. Some of the kids might not...

It's Monday morning and the puking has already begun.

It is worth noting... This summer I am more raw that I have been. Theoretically the protective shield I have hidden behind for so long is falling. That is a good thing, but the skin underneath is so new and delicate. I bleeds. I am trying to navigate all the emotions and it's hard. Other's pain and suffering seems to flow off them like waves and I cry for them. I keep being reassured that this is a good thing, a healing, but then why do I feel so damaged?

Radio Abuse

Long time ago, when I was a young teacher, I envied the administrators with their two way radios. Maybe it was some kind of police-woman fantasy, but (for lack of a better term) it really turned me on. Ya know?

Six summers at camp tethered to one of those things and, yeah, I'm totally over it.

In my case, campers on radios becomes a singular pain. They think it's funny to spew obsenity and jarring noise for hours.

So last night, or rather, this morning, I "thought" I might have heard the word "emergency." Course with the four and a half hours straight of radio play, who could be sure. I notified the administration and at 0030 hours we had a saftey emergency drill.

While I am pretty sleepy, it is kind of exhilierating to not be the only person kept up all night by that stupid squaking device. Seeing the nodding heads of children at breakfast brought me a perverse joy.

Maybe I like radios after all?

Funny. No one else does anymore...

Dear Mr. Bird.

It is a strange thing for me to actively dislike someone. It really is. For the most part I try hard to see the good and value in someone. It is my firm belief that everyone has a place and purpose in life. There are students I do not care for, but I still love them and in some ways, like them. They are our future after all and by calling or choice, they are my responsibility. There are some people I enjoy being around more than others, there is no denying that. But it is strange for me to actively dislike.

It is true that I dislike you.

While I do believe you have value as a person, I feel that you are often rude, disrespectful and ignorant of those around you. Often I think you make your own life more difficult by your refusal to really look at a situation before you jump to conclusions or more detrimentally open your mouth. You frequently hurt and offend people. While I do not believe it is your actual intention, I think you mistake being disrespectful for commanding respect. It is funny to me that your counterpart is respected for precisely the opposite reason. He thinks before he speaks and is humble. He fosters true loyalty because of that choice.

The irony in all of this is that I still want to help you. Or more specifically, you ask for my help and I am willing to give it. I wonder if that must bother you. It is frustrating to me to help you, because I don't like you, but i still feel obligated to give it. Probably because I do not think you are beyond help or hope... maybe that is a form of affection?

You said I wouldn't ask someone I liked to ask my permission before entering my room. I only demand that of you because I don't like you. Actually that is true. However, I need to also point out that those I like frequently if not always ask permission anyway... So in some ways it isn't true. You see they show me respect, you only do when you need help.

It is my belief that you value my opinion or at least respect it, or you wouldn't ask it... but you only seem to value or respect me whey you need the help, often when there is no one else who would help you, much less advise you... That in itself is a lack of respect. So on that count, then, we are even and maybe you should keep that in mind too...

It is my sincere hope and nightly prayer (seriously) that you improve on your endeavour to be a better person. Your success or failure is not my responsibility but my help is available. Right now, however, my friendship, is not.

And that's just the way it is.

At least one of the three

For years I have said that our good luck and low injury rate at camp are due to three things (equal parts) 1) Strong Central Leadership, 2) Consistent Quality of Care/Training from MedLodge and 3) Sheer Dumb Luck.

At least one of those three seems to have run out.

Last week a kid tried to get out of a row boat. He did not take out his oar lock first. It ripped open his calf, down to the bone. The staff was very worried about body substance contamination. I told them bleaching the lake was not an option. There were actual "bits" of this kid left on the boat. I am not just talking blood (though God knows there was plenty of that.)

Another kid, a staffer actually, put a hatchet in his shin. Then he refused to follow medical advice about staying off the leg.

Then there was this rash, which I cannot discuss right now as some staff read this, but sufficed to say I itch just thinking about it.

Another kid was hearing voices. Let's leave that there.

I had kids trying to take off fingers, breaking wrists and nosy scout leaders who should be shot.

One kid was caught with dubious pink powder and a snorting straw. That was a nightmare involving the police in two different locations and three counties!

Add in that someone is not turning out to be the leader I expected them to be (not to mention that they dismissed me from a meeting in someone else's office... the nerve!) and you have an interesting summer... Still five weeks to go.

But the light moments are here too. The laughter, the jokes, the talks. Dad came to visit.

I'm making a picture wall in my clinic. I call it "The Wall of Pain."

God and his sense of humor.

So, on Saturday I had a long talk with my therapist. We discussed that I had really had it with someone.

"I don't like him. I have never liked him, but for the past three years I have tried. I think I can stop trying now. It's not like a wish him ill, I just don't like him. If he was on fire and I was standing there drinking tea I'd throw my tea on him. I'm just not sure I'd go to the faucet to fill up the glass for another toss."

My therapist said it was healthy for me to come to these realizations.

Sunday night, the same person came to me. "Sandy, I think I have a real problem with my anger management. Do you think you can help me?"

So now I am counseling this person to help them function better in the camp/professional environment.

Tell me God is laughing his head off somewhere?

Angry, Frustrated and Dissappointed...

Boys are stupid. OK, that's not fair. There are a big group of boys up here who are stupid though. Like, I want to beat their heads in with shovels, stupid.

Trying to explain would be pointless, tedious and probably boring to the outside observer, but sufficed to say a boy here at camp has managed to prove to me that all the growth I thought I had witnessed recently was almost as big a farce as his actual behavior on Friday. What's worse is that he knows I'm mad and I don't know how to explain this to him.

The good news is though, that I have accepted that I truly dislike someone else on staff after trying for three long years to get along with him. I have decided that is OK. Really.

So I am getting over it.

Catching Up

So now I am at camp. Somehow, even with the standard problems, comedy of errors, general stupidity, all the normal stuff that ensues up here, life is better, mountains are more climbable, here at camp, life is good!

So to catch up.

I started having some health issues, but I decided to put off going to see a doctor until I finished the 5K. So I finished the 5K. I came in dead last, lapped by the Biathlon people who started ten minutes later, but I finished. 54 of the longest minutes of my life, but I finished. I will do better next time. The next Tuesday, the diagnosis was Congestive Heart Failure. Panic and Hilarity ensued. However, turns out they were wrong. According to the cardiologist, I'm just fat and need to join Weight Watchers. I hope she never gets sick and scared to death and goes to see someone with as much insensitivity and lack of listening skills like she has. No one deserved the day that was. However, I am resolved. I will speak to my regular doctor this week about Lap Banding. If I have to lose weight for these people to take me seriously about something that I believe is a real problem, then I will. But as least I don't have CHF.

Then there was this beautiful wedding and even more beautiful babies. Life is a beautiful circle.

Nana is settling in well at the personal care home. Apparently she got up in the middle of the night, got dressed, put on her purse and walked out into the living room. While looking for a light switch she pulled the fire alarm. Then when the lady that runs the place came racing up stairs there stood a dark imposing figure in the middle of the room. EEEEP! Nana announced, "I'm ready to go out now." God only knows where she thought she was going. She must have been dreaming.

The next morning she sat down at the kitchen table and cleaned out her purse. Upon finding six one dollar bills she trilled, "Hey girl, lets say us rich bitches go get drunk!" Poor Emma (the lady that runs the house). There is a new woman living there. She doesn't like it. She screams all day. Emma told me that Nana sat with her all afternoon saying, "It really is a very nice place. You'll like it here. Everyone is very nice. I really miss my dogs. My Pipey is so sweet and Roo is so moochie and I really miss them but it really is wonderful here... Please stop screaming."

School ended. And now I am at camp. For the past several months I have been telling them they needed to replace my carpet (seriously gross bio-hazard at this point) with linoleum. I even offered to pay for it. When I got to camp. Still nasty carpet. So I complained again. I was told if I felt that strongly I could just rip up the carpet and have a stone floor. OK. I had the carpet up in less than thirty minutes. I had linoleum in less than 48 hours afterward when they saw what that would look like. Some people learned some valuable lessons about daring me to do anything.

As I type these delightful men are fixing my air conditioning. I have never started camp with a working air conditioner. But this may be the fastest I ever got it fixed. Might have to do with the fact that it will be 95 degrees up here on Thursday during inspection (according to the weather report).

This summer I find I am in love with Tea. A good dear friend totally got me hooked on the tea experience and seeing as I am trying to avoid the caffeine rush that can be coffee, the tea thing is good. Jasmine Pearls with Roobius is my favorite, but I found the most delightful iced...

My Daddy is coming up next week and I cannot wait!

So, that's where it is.

Oh! This year our radio names at camp are video games. I am Zelda... You got to go through several levels to get me...

*wink*