First, if you have not read Dreaming Again's Post today, do so. It was awesome. Here.
Yesterday, while working out, I caught Oprah. Not something I usually do, but the music in the gym was not it's best that day, so... Anyway. The show was about marriage. It talked about how many women lose themselves, their identity in marriage and that is why the marriage fails.
(Now, as I make these statements, I know I am not married, so this is slightly judgmental)
It is important to be a whole and complete person before you get married. Identity is important. However as I listened to these women talk about past marriages and possible future ones the word I kept hear was "I" and "me" and when they were being talked to (often with their fiance next to them) the buzz word was "you"as though the men weren't even there. Being yourself is well and good, important even. It is worth spending time on. But while I agree these women should not have been married (or not be getting married) it is for a different reason than identity. If your only focus is self, there is no way you can ever be happy.
You shouldn't get married because you want to be married (as in you want the institution, rather than a particular person) or because you want to make this other person happy or you think it will fulfill you as a person. You get married because as you are running this game of life you notice that there is a person running beside you who is headed in the same direction and you are good for each other. You support each other, help each other. Identity is important, crucial even, but self should not be the focus. The other person as an individual should not be the focus exactly either, but I still don't think it should be all about "me."
It frightens me the amount that people focus on themselves these days. I think there is a real crisis in our nation, in western culture. It is the focus on self. Oddly enough, for all that some of what was being said on the show made sense, I don't think it will help the divorce rate any.
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2 comments:
It was all I could do not to talk back to Lance Armstrong's ex-wife. Her entire marriage lasted 4 years. Give me a break! What can she tell us after barely even trying?
I agree with you. You don't have to be married to know truth!
In reality not many people are whole or complete when they marry--isn't that a life long process? Call me old fashioned but I thought you got married because you fell in love and wanted to build a life together. Building a life together takes faith-a belief that there is something bigger than the both of you first and dare I say it-- that would be God.
Combine that with a level of maturity, committment to hang through the tough times even when you might not like each other very much--to bear each others burdens and sorrows and to celebrate the good times. Life won't be perfect, we won't always be happy and yes we may lose ourselves along the way sometimes. I had to turn the show off, like you noted too much Me, Myself and I. Love requires sacrifice and surrender and the laying down our lives for one another-- a tall order for most people these days. I'm not trying to be preachy. I just really believe it comes down to a matter of faith.
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