Good Advice

Sometimes I amaze even myself with good advice. A friend was asking me this week about a girl he is considering "making a pass at." He asked my opinion. I gave it to him. I think it was one of my finer pieces of work. So I'm going to share it, recognizing that what I told him is only slightly specific to him and might be of value to others...

My advice on should he date this girl and how can you pick the right one...

The question is are you looking for Mrs. Right or Miss Right Now? Neither is a bad answer. You are only 20 and have lots of life and time left and as a guy there is no biological clock thing either...

Here's the thing. Even if you don't want to be "forever" right now, (why would you, you are only 20), the person you choose right now could easily become "forever" eventually. Or, because of things in a relationship right now you may have to deal with this person "forever," at least according to every statistic I've read... so, on what basis do you want forever to be with this girl? Friend, friend with benefits, friend with regrets, friend with your child, friend you share a medical condition with, friend forever... you get the idea.

The drinking really is a concern. Granted I know most people think I am a bit of a prude about alcohol as well as sex. Probably am, but as a teacher and daughter and former college student and medic... the alcohol thing is an issue. She may have an addictive personality, this is a problem in relationships, especially romantic and/or intimate ones. She may be an alcoholic... There are many forms on that. She may have serious emotional baggage that causes this need to be drunk... Not that these things make her bad or someone you shouldn't date, but you need to be aware of what they mean and how you plan to deal with them...

There are lots of guys I know who just look at it as, "whatever, it's no big deal" and maybe you are that guy... I personally don't think so...But God knows I've been wrong before, and it wouldn't make you a bad person.

I was actually sort of joking about the friendship margin thing. If she really is the one, you have all the time in the world, so make sure she is. It might be slightly more awkward in a month or even six, but if she's worth it who cares. I know you are worth it.

So, that is my advice, you asked for it, however.... You are 20 years old. I love you, you are my friend, and I trust you; so do whatever you think you want/need/have to do and know those three facts won't change.

The problem I have, or more specifically what I want to know is, why if I can give good advice is my own life always such a mess?

But maybe that is the comfort to all the young people out there in love and/or looking for it. No one gets it right all the time in their own life no matter how good their advice is to you. Take comfort in that...