Thanks for your support

Last evening was awful. I left my phone on the coffee table that morning so I was without my phone all day. When I got home, after being pummelled for 2.5 hours with my trainer I immediately noticed something wrong. Suddenly Nana's eyes matched. They were both purple. She jumped right in to explain.

"I blew a fuse or something and all the lights were out and I knew Lindsey was coming to take me to get my hair done and I didn't want to wait to find the flashlight so I raced to the bathroom in the dark and tripped over the bathroom rug and fell against the shower. But I'm okay now."

I think she actually got this out in one breath. I was mortified. She's okay. Nana is just fine, really, and the shiner adds semestry to the other one from the surgery. She was afraid I'd be angry. I was.

At me.

How could I have let this happen. This was completely my fault. I should have been home. She should have been with me. I should have an emergency light in the bathroom. I should be taken out back and shot for letting this happen to a sweet old lady who never hurt anyone. Obviously I can't take my summer job at camp in June and July, I may even have to quit my job. This just proved what a terrible job I'm doing.

So I called Mom to tell her that it had happened. Mother was eating at a friend's house and didn't have time to talk, except to say,

"The bathroom was an accident waiting to happen. I fell in it the first time I visited. I'm surprised something didn't happen sooner."

Then she hung up.

Now I felt worse.

Except, the reason Nana fell had nothing to do with the bathrooms' construct (it has a slight step in it next to the shower and the shower is a tub, so you have to step up on top of that. I've been in the process of having the shower shell changed, but it hasn't happened yet and I would also add in two years, Nana and I have never had a problem, course we are not morbidly obese like Mom and have better knees.)

I told Nana, who was saying over and over again, "Don't worry, I won't joke about abuse anymore!" that I was going to pick up dinner. Then I got in the van and called Dad. I told him everything and what a failure I was. I offered to call DFAS for him and resign as a human being.

Dad let me cry, and then pointed out that the only person who did anything wrong was my mother. Even Nana only made the mistake of being human and being in a hurry. She has fallen less while she has lived with me than she did on her own and living with my mom. People fall down. Especially in the dark with no flashlight and no cane when they are supposed to use them for a reason. Then my Dad told me about the fact that when I was little I fell down and hurt myself a lot and that didn't mean he and my mother stopped letting me walk, play, swim, ride bikes, roller skate or anything else we do in life. Nor was it their fault those things happened. With his words and support he hugged me, blew on my heart until it felt better and then set me back on my feet so that I could get on with the business of caring for Nana.

My Mom is not a bad person. I love my mother. It was right that I call and let her know that while it was not serious and she was okay, that Nana had fallen. I just wish she hadn't spoken during the conversation.

Nana is fine. She is more embarrassed than anything. Her eye is a little swollen and bruised, and her glasses got bent. Luckily, Lindsey arrived not ten minutes later, and Nana was waiting for her at the door (she had gotten up, dusted herself off and gotten to the door as she was afraid they would be late for her hair appointment.) She has promised to use her cane more religiously in the future and if this were to happen again use a flashlight. Lindsey righted the circuit board and took Nana for her appointment. They were on time. Even though I didn't have my phone they hadn't even called me, they didn't think it was that serious. Twenty four hours later I can see how right my father was and I am so thankful he was home on a Friday night to talk to his daughter. I wish Mom had been more busy.

I am going to put an emergency light in the bathroom. It is a good idea. I found one at Home Depot today.