Full Head

Today my head is full of a lot of things.

I was teaching on a Tuesday, second period and the students were getting ready for a test in American Literature. Another teacher stuck her head in the door and told me to turn on CNN. Then the principal made the announcement. As soon as there was a break, I called my father. While he was no longer at the Pentagon (he retired sometime before) I had to know he was OK. Nothing much else was taught that day and I remember spending most of the day wiping the tears from my cheeks. There were heroes that day and there are villains. It is the single most devastating image of my life, replacing the day the Challenger exploded before my eyes in fourth grade. It is also I think one of the most defining event in modern American history. Today my head is full of that.

This weekend I made a new friend (doesn't that make me sound nine?). Actually I made several, but this lady was a real treasure. Her husband is a Army Chaplin in Iraq. Oddly she has been on my mind much today as I think of all the people in my life that I know and have yet to know, and because of 9/11 will never get to know. Today my head is full of that.

I am still sick. My sinuses are packed, my nose is running, my throat is sore and I have miles to go before I sleep. There is a ringing in my ears that will not stop and my head hurts. Yet I am so lucky and grateful to be alive, to live in this country, to have a job and a purpose, to have loved ones who love me back and to be whole. Today my head is full of that.

The only thing more full than my head, today, is my heart. How could it be otherwise? And on this day, a five year anniversary, I remember, and promise to never forget why.