Wake Up Call

One of my blog pals, methatiam, sent me an article and asked my opinion. Considering my growing frustration this past month with my students' lack of critical thinking skills, self discipline and motivation, not to mention my continuing frustration with an educational system that (because of "well meaning parents") continues to put more and more responsibility on teachers for a child's "success" which means A's, not actual learning, this article was a battle cry, a comforting voice (it's not just me!) and a well thought out picture of a big part of the problem. Read it yourself. But it's not short, just so you know. It was also odd to me that he asked me this on the same day that I read this post from another blog friend, Mel.

There is one other part to this issue that I think needs to be mentioned. Many students I deal with don't seem to suffer the anxiety this article mentioned, so much as an entitlement attitude. They can't fail, they are too protected, therefore I shouldn't put them in a position where they could fail and therefore it is not fair for me to make them work for it.

Maybe if Psychology Today is taking note of this the trend may swing back in the other direction. Eventually the issue will reach mainstream. Or at least that is my hope. As of today, parents still seem to think I work for them (because they pay taxes, and therefore they should get what they want... An A for their child), that it is parents and children against the teachers (I remember when I was in school and the parents sided with the teachers), and most importantly parents today (and yes I am speaking in generalities) seem to think that their children are extensions of themselves, possessions to augment their lives and an opportunity to relive their lives they way they think they should have gone.

The best gift my parents ever gave me, even in the midst of their divorce while I was in high school, was allowing me to fail in school and holding me accountable for it. Wasn't fun, wasn't easy and yes it made some things difficult for me to achieve as I moved through school, but, I still went to college (and even with a significant change of majors was done in four years) and grad school and am now a productive adult who pays her own bills. Heck, I even have a good relationship with my folks for the most part and my Dad and I are friends. When I messed up they corrected me, loved me, disciplined me if necessary and sent me on my way. My cousin, only two weeks younger than I, because his mother felt guilty that his father died when he was only 9 (and that he found his father's body) spent the rest of his childhood coddling him, making excuses for him and letting him have whatever he wanted and needed... Or said he did. His older brothers both finished college, have good jobs, got married, have children and are great guys to know. The youngest, the one my age (30) took several extra years to actually graduate from high school, has a child, but doesn't live with it, nor was he ever married to it's mother, and still lives at home with his mom. He tends to float from job to job, though I think he is almost finished with Fire-fighter school, so maybe he has finally found a place and thing important enough for him to buckle down. The thing of it is, the rest of the family seems to feel he is not very smart or talented. I think the opposite is true. There is a real possibility that he is smarter than I am. His mother is a great lady, really, but her choices seriously crippled his chances in life.

The other issue, to me, in all of this is a great conversation that went down on Mommy Life, Barbara Curtis' blog. Are the Children of Large Families Disadvantaged? My team teacher and I were discussing this issue in view of the article (I have no children, she has three under the age of four). One thing that big families have going for them is that with so many children, parents only have the time for the real parenting, not this over protection nonsense that seems to be the root of the problem with kids today. Until she and I read this article and discussed it, while I always felt there was something special about kids from large families, the connection wasn't made. Now I get it. That's not to say that large families are the only way to go or the best, just that this may be why so often I find kids and parents from large families more successful in school and what I prefer to deal with as a teacher. The comments on the post were also insightful, though a couple of people got some ruffled feathers. The post was not exactly about the same issue, but I think it strikes at the heart of the problem. There are two other articles that I think are an interesting compliment to this issue, in terms of the role of children and their purpose and therefore inversely how that must effect parenting. In a great editorial about demography it was pointed out why the nation was in jeopardy. I think it goes further than that when you also consider the issues of education raised in the article in Psychology today. Another terrific editorial in response to the one on demography, is, I think one of the real definitive issue here on why parents are the way they are with the kids. Children have become commodities. Under those conditions it makes sense that parents would want to "protect" their investment and not see it fail.

All of these pieces together just kind of clicked for me today.

The question is, what can any of us do about any of it, beyond how we raise our own kids. My team teacher feels, and I see her point, that people from my generation will raise their children differently because of what we are witnessing now from kids today. Maybe. Personally I think it is going to take another generation on top of this one to also deal with problems created by divorce, lack of male role models in the home because of divorce and more children outside of marital relationships, and just a general breakdown of American families. (Another issue for another post...)

I guess the point I wanted to make was that this article is amazing. I think it hits the nail on the head and I was thrilled to see it. I have already sent it to many teachers, friends and colleagues as I think it is very spot on for our kids. Unfortunately, no single article can begin to cover all of the problem. The fact that in my opinion, none of my students could be involved in a discussion on this topic, because none of them could make this many connections between different things they had read (ie critical thinking skills), is the illustration of the problem.