That's how we do it where I'm from...

Everyone was so very nice at my W-EMT class. There were 13 of us there. 5 were from one county EMS system, 2 were from another professional EMS system, another pair was from a volunteer system, one was a medical student who worked Search and Rescue and Ski Patrol, one was an instructor of EMT's and one was a corpman from a sniper unit in Iraq, newly home. Then there was me.

There are a lot of stories I suppose. Where to start.

(Begin at the beginning and when you get to the end stop....)

To begin with, I had set up to rent a small utility vehicle. I ended up with a huge (not my pick, by the way, they couldn't find the keys to the car I was supposed to have...) Chrysler SUV with less than 10 miles on it. It was huge and nice, but huge and not really what I was used to.

The first night when I got there I was so amazed that I hadn't gotten lost on the way I didn't believe I was in the right place. I entered the lodge and asked if this was the lodge. The poor folks in the building at the time were students themselves and not really sure of my question. Eventually we all got on the same page and thankfully they helped me with my luggage. They asked me about the car...

The next day we started class. We started with lecture and then moved into practical simulations with moulage on patients to simulate injuries. The first one was a fall with a laceration and rib fracture. I was a rescue worker on that one (as opposed to a patient). This time a had a partner and she was much more experienced than I. It was kind of a sink or swim thing as I was a bit rusty on my assessment, so I had to explain to her that I was not a moron, just out of practice.

The next exercise I was the patient. I was a Gun Shot Wound (GSW) victim who was "guppy breathing" on the ground. Apparently my blood pressure was through the roof, which I have decided to attribute to guppy breathing on the ground for nearly ten minutes. Oh, and the altitude.

Then we had our first big simulation. I was a worker, but not a lead. When we got to our simulated rock climbing accident, one guy was hanging from a rope bleeding arterial from his femur and the other had suffered a severe head trauma and was on the ground unconscious and vomiting. I was helping with the puking kid. We back boarded him and cut his shirt open. I began respiration, but that meant I couldn't really breath into the mask (the guy wasn't really dead...) and then I noticed I was all by myself. The others were all working on the other guy. Meanwhile the second simulation had started and that set of patients were screaming bloody murder. This poor guy on the board must have been freezing (he had his shirt cut off and I was blowing on him...) Actually he was laughing because the other team's girl screaming didn't exactly sound like she was in pain so much as well, um, not in pain, and also instead of blowing away from him, I sort of (and I didn't mean to) kept blowing across his nipple until I figured it out and stopped. Then he "died." So we kind of declared him and went to work on our other guy (all together... no rest for the dead.)

That night I went to the grocery store I found first in town. Apparently it was designed by a schizophrenic. It had three or four (or more) different sections, none of which corresponded to the normal distribution of a grocery store. I needed a dramamine after I left for the disorientation. then I came back all set to make BLATS (Bacon, Lettuce, Avocado, Tomato Sandwiches...) but the bigger group invited me to have dinner with them. It was pretty good. then I tried to read over fifty pages before I went to bed.

The next day we did more simulations. We talked about spine stabilization and how to carry people. I hid under a truck to prove the point that I could think of interesting and challenging scenarios. I was also a combative patient with a broken clavicle. That evening I went into town again, though this time a couple guys came with me so I wasn't by myself.

The next day we had big simulations again. This time I was the patient. I had a dislocated shoulder and pretty ugly, contaminated hand evulsion of sorts. Also I was supposed to be having an Acute Stress Reaction. Further, I was told to give everyone else Acute Stress Reactions until someone fixed my shoulder. Meanwhile the other patient was impaled on a helicopter blade. The stripped him down and poor guy was suffering from real hypothermia before we were done. When I was "healed" I went to help with that case. By then I had pretty much ticked everyone off with my crying, screaming and carrying on... But the fact that I actually fell firmly on my but during the whole escapade mollified many.

That night we drove into town to go to Walmart. I didn't go in, I used the time to talk on the phone where I had service. But it was nice to get out.

The next day we learned about snakes, bites and helicopters. We all went out that night to a Mexican restaurant that put Parmesan in everything... I think that is weird. One of the guys kept asking about daylight savings. I explained that it was moved back, by an act of congress. He didn't believe me. He said, "We'll you're from the south..." Like we are some foreign country. Oh no, he didn't!

On Sunday I was his patient with constipation. First he asked if I could be pregnant. I told him it was possible. Then he asked me about birth control and then asked me about my sexual activity. I was really getting tired of this jerk.
We took the test and during the wait on the simulation I snuck in and checked my (and several others) scores just so I could enjoy te sim without stressing the test. I passed, so did all the people I enjoyed time with...

Then we ran the last sim. The jerk was my patient, a hiker caught in a flash flood with hypothermia and a broken pelvis. So I did what I needed to, I cut him out of his wet clothes (exposing him to the 35 degree weather in nothing but wet underwear) and bound up his pelvis in such a way that apparently pinched several important parts. Then we packaged him and carried him the half mile out. When he complained to me about his treatment later, I smiled and answered, "That's how we do it in the south."

Was that wrong?

Seriously, the class was a blast. Like summer camp for grown-ups and
I wish it had been a week longer. On the way home I called my crush at work to make sure my classes were covered the next day. He mistook me for a girl he had met the weekend before, but been to drunk to catch her name before he gave her his number. It was a rather odd conversation. Until I knew the details as to why, just this morning, I didn't know why hew was so strange on the phone... Now I do...

Tomorrow I really do go back to my work outs. I imagine I will be seriously sore. So to put it off I am cooking winter soup, chili, and chicken noodle soup for school tomorrow, just because.

Also I still have this issue on my mind which makes me feel crazy. I'll have to see how it works out. Hopefully I am not as crazy as I think. We'll see.