Sabatoge

So today was a long day. I start teaching at 7:20 every morning. I usually get to work at about 6:35. That means I leave home no later than 6:00. I get up anywhere between 5:00 and 5:30.

This morning I woke up at 7:40. Do the math...

I had decided to make lunch for everyone at work. There was to be a big pot of chilly, my "orange soup" and chicken soup. Luckily the first two were done last night and already set up to go...

Then I had an off day... Though a friend of mine pointed out if I laugh this much on a bad day, maybe I don't really know what a bad day is... Maybe there is something flipped in my head? God only knows,

Anyway!

Then I went to work out and I did my cardio and the trainer and I started to talk. We talked for an hour. She has a theory. Not sure how I feel about it. She feels I am not really giving this my everything and that I am sabotaging myself and holding myself back. OK.

I think she is right.

This WEMT thing was a real eye opener for me in some ways. For the most part in my life there is nothing that I want to do that I can't do... But in the class I just couldn't do the things I wanted to do. My head was in the game I had the knowledge, but when push came to shove I couldn't do the physical stuff. It didn't ruin the trip, I'm glad I went, but, well, it was humiliating. They were all so nice and encouraging and supportive, and so many of them were in bad shape as well, and of everyone there I could do the least physically.

So my trainer and I are going to re-evaluate and try again. We are starting over. Friday we are going to redo all my baselines and see where we are. Monday I go back to 2000 calories a day, everyday, no exceptions until I go to see my brother for X-mas.

The questions remains though, as to what I really want and am I ready to get it? I turn 32 in a bit over a month. It should be time already...