Welcome to the Real World

Just for the record, today I hurt. I did lunges yesterday and my thighs are on fire! My shoulders are killing me too and I still have to work out again today. Further I have now been on this new diet for two days. The food (delivered every morning to my house) isn’t half bad at all. Overall, I’m pretty impressed. However I am adjusting. The portions are huge and the calories are right and everything, but I am still hungry. I think it will just take a little time…

So now, with the exception of finishing up my writing samples for PhD, I am a free agent. No plays, classes or big dramas going on. It’s kind of strange really. I wonder how long I can manage it. We’ll see.

The play went really well. It was strange to sit in the audience and just watch. I had written it and directed it, and yet I found myself profoundly affected by the story. The whole experience ended up being rather surreal. Almost strange. Most of all I was just so proud of the kids and what they accomplished, the fruit of their hard work. We raised nearly $1500 for youth missions in two showings.

Mostly, I feel kind of disconnected, today. There are some odd things swirling around me and I am mostly just watching. My team teacher has never had the luck I did with our assistant principal and is now rather fighting for her job. On the flip side, my evaluations have never been more glowing. I think the assistant principal is wrong and frankly misguided in her persecution of my good friend, but there is little I can do about it and mostly I feel guilty to be succeeding in comparison.

Then there is therapy. This past week my therapist wanted to talk about a past relationship. That was a long time ago, the way I felt about that, and while people are still a part of my life, that particular facet was put to rest a long time ago. Yet here we were discussing it and there I was crying. I don’t know why I was crying. What I felt back then was very real, very deep and is now very over. I mean, I still have a lot of affection for him, I mean, that is love too, but we aren’t really “friends” and seeing him now I know that it would have been a bad match, if it had ever even been a possibility, which I don’t even really believe it was. The tears on that whole mess were dry long ago such that now it is mostly a somewhat funny chapter… And there I was crying. I don’t think it was about that relationship at all, really. We are getting to the problem now and the infection is big, and sore and swollen and we brushed it and it hurt. I am bracing myself for the extraction because I think we are about to get to the biggest, hardest part soon.

Now for the funny. Nana. Oh my. My poor father. He called Nana to get some information, even though she is not his mother, they are still friendly and she does live with me, his daughter, after all. Anyway, he called and Nana talked his ear off for thirty minutes about Mom’s boyfriend. How much he was just like Dad and clearly Mom is trying to find a replacement. My parents haven’t spoken in over a decade. My father was polite with Nana, but had no idea what to say, so Nana kept talking. Dad and I laughed about it later when he called to tell me about it.

Lastly, camp. Camp is blowing full bore with rumor, espionage, back-stabbing, miscommunication and big surprises everywhere. Several of us are really hoping that the soap opera stops soon and that several of our leaders mature quickly before summer starts. Mostly I guess I just think it is funny now, but I am in the minority on that one. My prayer is that we will find someone suitable to be my assistant. I need help.

Anyway, that’s my post for today; I promise the next one will actually have a connection or theme…