Safe

What is it to feel safe? I've been thinking about that a lot lately. First there are so many different kinds of safe. There is the physical safe, emotional safe, spiritually safe, romantically safe, and while I don't know how to explain there are other safe's as well.

There are a lot of times when I don't feel safe. I mostly feel physically safe, though occasionally I get a bit spooked, but it is very hard for me to feel emotionally safe. When people are open to me and love on me (as we say in the south) rather than simply feeling the comfort of that affection I find myself fighting this odd overwhelming panic, and what should make me feel very safe (and in many ways does) also makes me feel incredibly out of control. It's kinda weird, and frightening, ya know?

Speaking of out of control. Camp started officially yesterday. YIKES! We had troops show up with way more kids than we expected, lots of very home sick kids, and there are snakes everywhere.

The real interesting thing to me was the home sick kids. We did a skit for our opening campfire (I say we in the general sense, I didn't plan this and had not had anything to do with it) involving a new campers experiences at camp. The final scene was the bus leaving without him. Do you know what showing real new campers that kind of "joke" on the first night of camp does? Yeah. You got it! One dear angel panicked so completely he yacked on the three scout masters in front of him. (Yes, it was a bit funny) Another scout went hysterical in my office for fear the same thing would happen to him.

We have the highest numbers we have ever had. There are people everywhere. One of the food service people shorted the dining hall on four cases of waffles, so the kitchen staff was up making french toast at the speed of light this morning.

Stress is running very high with the staff. I've been giving out water, chocolate hugs and a strong shoulder all morning. Doing that feels safe. Why does receiving that feel scary?