Who's a Coward?

Not me. Not at all. There is nothing that I’m afraid of. I mean why should I be, right?

I’m afraid that this is all in my head, that I am making a mountain out of a mole hill, that I have listened to the wrong voices (and there are many) and am so immature and naive that I have really messed up here and am really wrong about it.

I am afraid that if I say something that I am going to loose a really good friend who (especially if I am wrong!) has only ever tried to help me.

I am afraid that I may hurt someone as much as I think they may be hurting me, just as unintentionally. Then what would that say about me.

I am afraid of all the things that saying something will cost me.

I am afraid of all the things that not saying something will cost me.

I am afraid that if I do say something I will say it wrong and it will be as awful and un-closure-y as just letting it go and not saying anything.

I am afraid that my current plan is a bad idea.

I am afraid that the time afterward will be terrible.

I am afraid of life going back to what it was.

I am afraid of what this whole ridiculous situation means about me.

I am afraid that I really have the emotional maturity of a fifteen year old and that I’m gonna be stuck here forever.

I am afraid that this is my fault to begin with and now someone else is getting held responsible for it.

I am afraid of feeling this.

I am afraid.

How can someone be happy and fulfilled and enjoying life and scared and mad and unsure all at the same time?

Why can't this ever just be simple.

There is no comfort that this is simply a learning experience, because I know there is no prize, but the lesson at the end and I will still be alone. It would help if I thought I was fighting for something or someone.

And no, in this case, me doesn't count.