The Rules

You told me I could dish it out, but not take it. I told you, you didn't play by the rules.

Maybe you don't understand the rules.

1. I am not a whore, or a ho, or a slut. Don't call me that.

2. My sex life, or lack there of, my singleness and why no one wants me is not a joke and not something to joke about.

3. Teasing is fun on an even playing field, but one upping each other with subtext is not. If you can't tell the difference you are not paying attention.

4. I may be older, but I am not old. Just because you act like you are four, does not make me sixty.

5. There is nothing funny about rape. There are no jokes about rape that are funny. There is no compromise on that.

6. I may call you tipspit, but I also call you sweetie, sweetheart, cutie, baby and babe. They balance each other out. You rarely if ever call me anything sweet. Therefore there is no balance.

7. If I walk away it is because 1) I know it makes you crazy, 2) I'm not sure about motives anymore, 3) I am protecting myself, but 4) I am also protecting you. I could leave you bleeding and you wouldn't know what hit you. Trust me on that.

8. You cannot make fat jokes about other women and then lecture me about my body image, enjoying life and what I have or have not eaten today.

9. While I do love you very much, I am not in love with you, I am not going to be in love with you, you are not right for me, and I don't want you sexually. I think this is actually mutual.

10. I imagine that if someone who was in love with you watched you and I interact, she wouldn't like it. Our interactions are often and significantly emotionally intimate. You may not be cheating and I may not be doing anything wrong either, but I am not convinced this is right. I wish I was stronger and less desperate for the affection, though I am getting better and stronger. When we joke and tease and laugh and talk and confide I so enjoy it, but after I feel guilty and even a little dirty. Honestly, I guess I feel a little like an emotional prostitute. But, I don't want to be a whore, a ho, or a slut. So, please don't call me that.

I told you that I would give you the rules. You said you reserve the right to edit them. Somehow I doubt you'll see this. So maybe I'll get around to printing it up for you and you can tell me what you think. But these are my rules. I don't actually think they are unreasonable or irrational or stupid. Maybe if you knew what they were you would agree with me. Maybe if you understood the rules, I wouldn't need them.