So I am an angry coward. Great.

He did it again. He called me that word.

I promised myself if he did it again that would be it.

Instead I explain why I was angry.

He explained that he was trying and he would try to be more concious of the issue, and he also gave the excuse that it was a common word in his generation and this is me taking it personally.

So tonight I am angry at him and at me and I think I might be angrier at myself.

It's not fair that because he's an idiot that I could lose a friend. How is that fair? Why do I want to be friends with someone this stupid? How can I love someone like that? What does it say about me?

Why do I try to defend him to others who want to know why I put up with this?

And then there are all the times when he is such a great friend and the fact that he is still learning and growing and this is just hard and complicated and I just want him to stop calling me that under any circumstnaces.